Blue bloom

January 1st, 2016 Emma was cute. She just got a job, she had big plans for the future, and she loved emojis. Exhibit A:

Tweet, December 31st, 2015, 10.29 am: I have some resolutions: save my money read make new friends use my free time productively

January 1st, 2017 Emma is a little worse for the wear. When I read my resolutions, I laughed out loud – Save.. money? Like, the stuff that buys me the cute boots?  Read MORE? I thought we were trying to read LESS. My mistake. A rom-com montage of my free time of 2016 passed through my mind, and it was a lot of me scrolling, scrolling, scrolling; half-heartedly painting once every few weeks; remembering to blog, but then forgetting to blog. The fruits of my free time were… sparse.

There are so many things I want to do better in 2017 that it’s hard to remember that I generally like myself and the way I live (parts) of my life. My greatest year of growth and change was in 2013, when I decided to move to Austin. I set myself a concrete goal (make something every day) and an ephemeral goal (stop being complacent) – the latter was directed by a mood board I made in January 2013.

In order to make 2017 as important a year for me as 2013, I’m following an old pattern. I have concrete goals (body-related – I’ll write more about this coming soon) and an ephemeral goal (to be myself and above all, to be brave). I made a mood board to go along with my goals, hung it on the side of my dresser, which has become a little shrine to self-improvement. It includes some words that are important to me this year: singular, know, moments, hero, lift off, body. It includes some people who provide me with inspiration: Dolly Parton, Janelle Monae, Oprah, Meryl Streep as Florence Foster Jenkins. Most importantly, it centers around a power color (this year, BLUE) and includes imagery of mastery: cutting down a redwood; pedaling a flying bicycle; and jumping into a clear blue pool.

My favorite image is one I compiled of a tightrope walker with a great big bloom for a head. This will be me, this year. Daring to bloom, to be myself, and to do hard things.

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